Dumb Things People Say To Musicians
There is one trepidation I have about social gatherings, particularly when I don't know a lot of people present. It's not just the small talk
- after
all, strangers have to start somewhere. It's the tendency of
things people say when/if they find out I am a musician - when a person
gives you that "Oh that's so cute" vibe and you see it coming.
"So...what's the name of your group?" In
of itself, this is not a bad question whatsoever...rather it's when you
confirm not to being in a commercial notorious ensemble from television they
look past you with that lazy Sunday afternoon kind of gaze. The implication being your legitimacy is premised
on immediate recognition. To remedy this I say that I am in the group
Oingo Boingo (John Hernandez, forgive me).
Although I have been thinking of trying out
"MonkeySnot"
(emphasizing it as one word) to answer this question. Who says a musician is in only
one group or not also a solo performer? Ought we retort by asking the
name of the company for which they work instead of asking what they do?
And as they confirm their company is not in the Fortune 500 we can give them that
look as we say lazily, "Oh...that's nice"?
"You must have a lot of groupies." This
one is a peach.
It tells you more about a person's motivation for approaching a job as an
artist. Because I embarked on this journey of developing my craft in
drumming and perpetually hustling to land paying gigs so that I could be
pre-emptively renown for having lascivious proclivities. Damn straight.
I shagged your sister, so what - you wanna fight about it? I'm a
musician, man!
"What is your day (real) job?" This one used to be perhaps the most annoying
inquiry but then I read Bill Bruford's
Bill Bruford The Autobiography
where he wrote about getting the exact same question at his wife's
gatherings even after his long list monumental musical achievments. I
figured if Bill still deals with it I can "roll" with it. I understand if
a person does not know a musician can make a living without being a renown
commercial novelty - but the disbelief that a musician can make a living
without having to be a commercial novelty indicates one
knows nothing of self-employment or entrepreneurship. This is exemplified by their insanity of living for a pension they're never going to get.
"You must love not having to get up early."
Do people say this to hookers?
"You
must love the flexible hours." Says whom? And what is flexible about
having to be somewhere on time to earn money regardless of the time of day?
"Well at least you're doing what you love to do."
Yeah and musicians also have to make an effort to not hate themselves for
it.
The constant hustle that is required, the absolutely
unfair wage and time requirements...yeah, something more has to carry you
through this - but no, it doesn't make it okay because I
love to play drums - it actually makes it worse. Would I say to
someone who works in HR, "Yeah the pressures of your job are soul-sucking
and the higher-ups in your company have the ethics of a low-level demon
but at least you love working with people."?
Ultimately you begin to wonder if
thoughtless statements and questions are just airing grievances by
those who resent not having the courage to follow-through on their own
interests. Then again such people wouldn't have the depth to have a desire for
self-actualization in the first place.
It's not that I'm offended per se by these things but that I am utterly bored by this kind of palaver.
It is completely different
when a person is sincerely interested and it's not hard to tell. Some think
being a musician is a pretend career and we'd like them to pat us on the head like a nice doggy,
after
which I usually pee on their foot.
Were I to talk to
"office workers" about how little they work because they are busy emailing
cat videos and gossiping at the water cooler, surely I would be dismissed
outright (I'd still be right). I could conjecture how they live for
a pension they're never going to see, have no soul, work after hours to
cheat on the spouse, steal office supplies, sit on their ass all day long,
et al. but it's not important to become the very thing that negates me in
the first place.
Thoughts? Comments? Criticisms? I'm open to read your thoughts!
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